IGNORANT ART - 1998
ignorant art
LYRICS
  1. If Karma was for Real
  2. Humpday
  3. Fool
  4. Checkin' Me Out
  5. Action Hero
  6. Satan Rides Shotgun
  7. Missile Command
  8. Poison Ivy by the Pound
  9. Wet Dream
  10. Le Car
Album Synopsis

Ignorant Art is a dream come true for morons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lyrics

If Karma was for real, you would already be dead

First thing that you need is a getaway car
Then destroy the soles of your shoes with some boiling tar
Cover up your license plate with snow or mud
Conceal your fingerprints with a pair of gloves

Drive up to the back just after noon
The owner’s at lunch and coming back soon
Walk in the back in a nonchalont way
Grab yourself something nice and walk away

Don’t look over your shoulder or turn around
But be ready to run if you hear a sound
Hop in your car and punch the gas
Down drive too reckless but drive away fast

You’ll probably feel guilty for what you just done
But pay close attention now you’re on the run
You gotta do something when you’re so poor
This isn’t that bad, you done much worse before

If Karma was for real, you’d already be dead
All those things you done, and all those things you said

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Hump Day

I’ll take a 32 oz. Tumbler just dump it on my head
Eat a jar of jelly – fuck the bread
Tell you a lie – say I study pre-med
Spit a goober on the sidewalk – that’s what I said
I’ll shoot your eye out with a fat rubber band
Go to the beach and take a grump in the sand
Won’t wear sunblock when I’m getting’ a tan
And I’ll eat spaghettios straight out the can
And I’ll hump your face
I’ll hump your face

I’ll flip the bird at a stranger walkin’ by
Smoke aregano and feel all high
Won’t water my ferns til they’re real dry
Won’t clean my room ‘til it’s a pig sty
Drink milk from the jug on the expiration date
Expired tags on my license plate
Tell my girl, yes she looks fat in that dress
And I’ll rip the motherfuckin’ tags off the mattress
Then I’ll hump your face
I’ll hump your face

I’ll dub illegal tapes fuck FBI warnings
Go and get my mail when it’s thunderstorming
Walk in 7-11 with no shirt and no shoes
And I’ll beat the fuck out my alarm clock if I wanna snooze
Take a poop when I’m on the clock
Fingerpaint without wearing a smock
Jerk my cock right into a sock
And I’ll walk right in your house won’t even knock
Then I’ll hump your face
I’ll hump your face

Lock you in the bassment cuz you didn’t know what bass meant
Leave my fly down for a fashion statement
Wont let no one borrow my bike
But I’ll give you some ice cream. Syke
I still jaywalk after my third offense
Think I’m not crazy I’m crazy intense
I saw your momma she was straddling a fence
And her beaver smelled as good as incense
But I will hump her face
And I’ll hump your face

One of these days
I’ll hump your face
hump day, Okay?
Hump day, hooray!


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Fool

She says she isn’t lying. But she’s not telling the truth
She spends her twilights hiding right behind the kissing booth.

She doesn’t know the meaning of the word “monogamy”
Her hobbies include gangbangs and some pornography

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me

She’s best friends with the devil and they pick each other’s clothes
She wears transparent tubetops and some fishnet pantyhose

She doesn’t like to quibble but she loves to start a fight
Eats your food when you are starving and won’t offer a bite

Fool me once, shame on me
Fool me twice, shame on you

She’s got lesbian lovers but she won’t let you watch
Leaves the room and when she comes back, she’s got stains all on her crotch

Her bed it squeaks like crazy and that’s the way it goes
Brings cocaine to the bathroom when she powders her nose

Fool me once, shame on me
Fool me twice, shame on you

She doesn’t cut the mustard but she might cut your throat
She’s drilling holes right into the bottom of your boat

She complains you never go out but when you do she makes you pay
She’s something else alright in every single way

Fool me once, shame on me
Fool me twice, shame on you

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Checkin’ me out

In sex-ed class with one of my peers
I got some advice, the instructions were clear
Stick a potato in your pants – in the front, not the rear
The girls’ll wanna ride, it’ll be hard to steer
I did, then I saw Pam Grear
She looked down at my bulge and started to cheer
(she was checkin’ me out)

She was checkin’ me out

One time when I lived in Virginia
Jose invited me over to a Mexican dinner
Said hi to his wife – her name was Linda
Helped out in the kitchen so I wouldn’t offend her
She was stirrin’ it up in the blender
She said is it just me or have you gotten thinner

She was checkin’ me out
(what am I gonna do?)

One time when I was in France
Shopping for souvineers in a b-boy stance
These guys glancing at my pants
Came up one said Hi my name is lance
I was wondering if he wanted to dance
he said, dang dude, not a chance.

he was checkin me out

Was in line ten items or less
Had eleven items, and I confessed
Bag lady didn’t mind - though it said express
She dropped my chocolate milk and made a big mess
I said don’t cry baby, no need for stress
I bent to get the rest and peeked up her dress

I was checkin’ her out, while she was checkin’ me out
(what am I gonna do)

This other story I gots to tell yo
I was walking in the rain feelin’ kinda mello
dapper and flashy with a fresh umbrello
This girly walked by she was wigglin like jello
sleek and curvy like a brand new cello
But she was hand in hand with some other fello

they was checkin’ me out
(Everybody’s checkin’ me out)


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Action Figure

I’ll be your action figure
Do with me what you will
Stick me in exciting places
Then put me back on the window sill

I’ll be our action figure
Eight and a half inches tall
Perfect size for loving
Shoot me out against the wall

I’m bendable
(If I break) I’m mendable
I’m poseable
If I break I’m disposable

I’ll be your action figure
You can watch as I spring to life
Let’s play some make believe
A pretend honeymoon, my wife

I stand erect
(I’m ready) to protect
I’m loveable
(I’m ready) and shove-able

Play with me
Pull me out
Give my bod a squeeze
Push me in
Pull me out
I’m eager to please

I’ll be your action figure
I’ll be your action figure
I’ll be your action figure
I’ll be your action figure

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Satan rides Shotgun (route 666)

Lucifer I call him Lou
Belches fire grabs me a brew
Night shift: change gears after dark
Needle on my dash shooting sparks

Gold bird flame on my hood
Smoke swisher sweets to the wood
Mirror sunglasses hard to see
Lee Majors in the General Lee

Satan rides shotgun – He’s real good with maps
Satan rides shotgun – We dodge the speed traps
Satan rides shotgun – I let him shift
Satan rides shotgun – He needed a lift

Handlebar mustache pork rinds
Big Beaver exit 69
Rattlesnake suitcase full of tricks
Hogback road Route 666

Kick gravel up on your chrome
fuzzy dice good luck foam
Subwoofer bumping “Live wire”
Delorian wheels of fire

Satan Rides Shotgun – Pedal to the metal
Satan Rides Shotgun- All bass no treble
Satan Rides Shotgun- When I need a fix
Satan Rides Shotgun- He always gets chicks

On route 666 (repeat)

Satan Rides Shotgun-Cruisin’ for hoes
Satan Rides Shotgun – Pass me the Strohs
Satan Rides Shotgun- He's got real good weed
Satan Rides Shotgun- He likes when I speed

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Missile Command

Got a finger on the button
Fire in the hole
Got my finger on the button
In total control

My Code Name Is Pinky
Heat seeker is stinky
Sweatin’ scared and drippin’
Here’s my secret weapon

Got a finger on the button
Fire in the hole
Got my finger on the button
In total control
ma-ma-ma-missile command
ma-ma-ma-missile command

Snake eyes cobra commando
Gun’s filled up with ammo
I’m Maverick and you’re Goosed
Booster rocket is loose

Got a finger on the button
Fire in the hole
Got my finger on the button
In total control
ma-ma-ma-missile command
ma-ma-ma-missile command

Soon the target explodes
pull out and then reload
here comes the real stinger
Retaliate with finger

Got a finger on the button
Fire in the hole
Got my finger on the button
In total control
ma-ma-ma-missile command
ma-ma-ma-missile command

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Poison Ivy by the Pound

The dude gave me a bag and it’s real green
There aren’t any seeds, none that I’ve seen
So pack up a bowl – looks like good shit
Light it up quick and give me a hit

It smells kinda like a swamp or marsh
You gotta stop coughing, I know it’s more harsh
Than the usual herb that we usually get
Light it again and give me a hit

That’s some funny-ass weed
Yeah, I think I’m real stoned
There’s red in my eyes and a fire in my bones
Cotton in my mouth and a frog in my throat
And you’re drinking more water than an overturned boat

I must be real high, my body’s reactin’
My fingers are itchy and they won’t stop scratchin’
Like laser surgery, yeah, I’ve been deep fried
Tried to defy gravity and I was denied

I’m deep fried
Deep inside

By the poison ivy by the pound
By the poison ivy by the pound

Thought you got a good deal look what you found
The red hot buds will burn you down
Got pulled directly to the ground
Blown out and destroyed without a sound

We’re both mutating and we twitch and wiggle
Although we’re in pain we just have to giggle
This could only happen to you or I
Oh well, light up another, we’ll try to get high

We should try
Try to buy

Buy the poison ivy by the pound
Buy the poison ivy by the pound

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Wet Dream

By far
You are the star of the bar
Is it alright
If I come and bum a light

Cuz you are my wet dream
And I’m cumin right for you full steam
Cuz you are my wet dream
And I’m cumin right for you full steam

Got an itch
And I want to be your bitch
I just
Can’t contain my lust

Yeah you are my wet dream
Sweer than a bowl of whipped cream
you are my wet dream
Sweer than a bowl of whipped cream

What I would do to you (You just don’t know)
You know I would go cuckoo (It’s time to go)
Go head back to your place (I won’t stay long)
Long as we’re here let’s not waste (this can’t be wrong)

A vacuum
Your lips could suck up the room
Suck me too
I’m stuck to you like glue

You are my wet dream
Pull me in with your tractor beam
You are my wet dream
Pull me in with your tractor beam

What I would do to you (You just don’t know)
know I would go cuckoo (It’s time to go)
Go head back to your place (I won’t stay long)
Long as we’re here let’s not waste (this can’t be wrong)

 

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Le Car

Climb inside
If you ride
I will drive
Le Car

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