the phallus LYRICS
  1. Tripping Balls
  2. Buzzer Beater
  3. Tokyo Vertigo
  4. Paper Speedo
  5. Skivvies
  6. Kamikazi Superninja
  7. I Don't Like It
  8. When In Doubt
  9. A Love Song
  10. Nappy Celebration
Album Synopsis

More than penis jokes for simpletons? Much more. Maybe.








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It's not my allergies
My eyes are glazed, I must confess
I've done so much, I can't stop from doing
And, well, I've done much more than less
And sometimes when you drink while you're pissing
you feel like you make no progress
And things all blur together
In a big pile of doody mess

Trippin' balls

This seems too familiar
The parties, people, and the smells
I think we may have done drugs that one time
maybe that was someone else
but taking it to the brink is the daily
So good luck I wish you well
I've got the perfect recipe to take you
to the darkest depths of hell

Trippin' balls

I bottomed out and hit the walls
Someone better hold my calls
I'm trippin' balls

And I'm left so defenseless
I close my eyes, but I can't rest
Someone must have doubled the doseage
A woodpecker is in my chest
the queludes, cocaine, booze and the roofies
put my body to the test
I wish that I could get it together
Yes, I agree that would be best

Trippin' balls

I scraped the bottom of the pot
The bong was long but I forgot
I was fucked up, but now I'm not
Now instead I am a lot

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You nailed the Triple Lindy
Even though you can’t swim
You swished the finger roll
Never hit that rim
You throw a shotput farther
Than a javelin
You're a longshot underdog
And you always win

You're a winner, babe
You're a warrior
Victorious and glorious

Perfect game, tenth frame
And you bowled a strike
Y ou won the T our D e F rance
O n a low rider bike
Putt with a sandwedge
A nd it's in the hole
W ith a windmill bicycle kick
Y ou scored the winning goal

You're a winner, babe
You're a warrior
V ictorious and glorious

Buzzer beater
Buzzer beater

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I know you
Like to rock
But where are we?
Nice, spice, hot
Rice, dice, girls
Saki saki

Tokyo vertigo

Cock fight, ooh,
Razzle dazzle
Dog meat, eat
No no no
Blast off, go
Leave this city
Time to rock
Nitty gritty

Oh no Tokyo

You'll never manage
Unravel this language
Stranger than Spanish
And leaving you famished
You want a sandwich
But you get cats and fish
You really can't stand this
So it's time to vanish

Awful vacation
Let me out of here
This is hellacious
I can never leave

Look down on old Mount Fuji
Wave goodbye
Snow monkey
So long world
Rocket train
Rock so we won't feel the pain

Tokyo vertigo

(Repeat all)

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I’ve got an attitude
I’ve got an inner tube
This is my interlude
To put you in the mood
And get you in the nude

Longitude, latitude
Swingin’ my big beef tube
I hope you bring the lube
Cuz I am in the mood
To get in the nude

I’m standing here
Getting ready to get wet
Soon you will see
Something that you won’t forget

My Paper Speedo

I don’t mean to be rude
I hope I don’t intrude
I think it would be good
To get in the mood
To get in the nude

I’m standing here
Getting ready to get wet
Soon you will see
Something that you won’t forget

Paper Speedo

Paper Speedo in the shallow end
Will it hold closed?
Well it all depends
My libido is showing again
Will you be my friend?

I’m standing here
Wet and steady with regret
Now you have seen
Something that you won’t forget

Paper Speedo

(Just another song
Examining the thin sheet of fabric
Separating the world from your phallus)

Now you have seen
Something that you won’t forget

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Like a bird without a beak
I can hardly speak
Can’t manage a squeak
Got me feeling weak
You’re so ultra-sheik
That I’d like to be your freak
I’ve got unique technique
We can make my futon creak
So can I sneak a peek
of your booty cheek?

Give me your skivvies are my papoose
We should call a truce
I’m hung like a noose
I’m bigger than a moose
And I’ve got lots of juice
We should go vamoose
So I can get real loose
On your caboose

Give me your skivvies

Don’t you divvy ‘em up you gotta give ‘em all to me
Just start givin’ ‘em up you gotta set your skivvies free

Please give me your skivvies

Oh baby, I’m gonna show you some of my soul
If you show some of yours to me
You know what I’m talking about
Give me your fucking skivvies
I’m not joking

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You gotta admit
I’m known to outwit
When I’m doing the splits
In the grime and the grit

That's your wallet I took
With my grappling hook

Give me a minute
To skeeze on dis tit
I diddle the clit
Lickity split

Spring to action my wang
Like a scorpian fang
I got the yin to the yang
The smoke bomb goes bang

Dodge and strike
Kamikazi superninja

Move over a bit
Stop being a twit
You’re having a fit
You better quit

Nunchuks on a chain
A throwing star to the brain
Mystic sword in a cane
Disappears in the rain

Dodge and strike
Kamikazi superninja

Wit’ this flow that I spit
What you see’s what you get
Don’t ever forget
This shit is a hit

Black cloak covers skin
Blowgun poison pin
Then as quick as the wind
I vanish again

Dodge and strike
Kamikazi superninja
You can't fight
The Kamikazi superninja
Dark as night
Kamikazi superninja
Out of sight
Kamikazi superninja

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Feeding frenzy all around
The other bodies get pulled down
We're circled by shark fins
Their teeth are closing in
Get away
Wasn't ready
No way
Splash, flip and flop
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop

Roller coaster climb the hill
The seatbelt doesn't fit so well
We're headed for the top
And we're gonna drop
Make it stop, make it stop

I don't like it

You don't seem to mind
Smiling the whole time
You must want to watch me cry
It's funny when I die
You like it

I don't like it

Tell me somethin'
Do you like it
Tell you somethin'
I don't like it

Do you like it?

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I don’t know what I am going to do
But I’ve got something to show to you

When in doubt
I whip it out

(I’ve got a feeling for you
I’ve got a penis for you)

Baby, baby, my eyes are up here
I’m confused and you are full of fear

When in doubt
I whip it out

(I’ve got something pointed at you
And it’s not my finger
It’s my fuckin’ penis
I’m not gonna try to be subtle about it at all
It’s my wiener
It’s my dong-peener
It’s my saskatchewan geenger
I don’t even know what that means, but hey!)

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Just because we sing songs about debauchery
Doesn’t mean we don’t love our girls
Even though we spent our cash on guitar pedals
We meant to buy our babies pearls

Even though they act all crazy
And sometimes they make us nuts
We love their inner beauty
And not just their butts

Sometimes my girl gets freaked out
When she reads my poetry
(If you could even call it poetry)
She thinks I’m a sexist pig
But hey now baby, that aint...that aint me

That’s just a rock star fantasy
You know it really don’t mean that much
But I don’t wanna write something unoriginal
About how it feels when we touch

‘Cuz those songs are kinda sissy
I need to show you I’m a man
Because one time I was stoned in the basement
I saw a spider and I ran

So I write songs about my phallus
But it’s not even all that large
(It’s more middle-sized)
And we write songs about young groupies
But we’re we’re not actually stars

I’m not a super villain
I’m not like General Zod
The sex and drugs and rock and roll
It’s all just a facade
We just make our music on a four track
And pretend that we have fans
But baby, you’re for real,
and so are my feelings for you
This should help you understand...

You know I swore
I’d never sing a love song
But baby you deserve it
Because you really do

You know I swore
I’d never write no love song
But baby you deserve it
I love you


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Lay down boy
Pickin’ on a pickle
Gotta take your licks son
Before you hit the hay
Lay ‘em down
Smack ‘em and a yack ‘em
Living in the shack
Is the price you gotta pay

It’s a nappy celebration

Shuck and jive
Razzle and a dazzle
Wiggle while you giggle
Have a fish filet
All full grown
A full house fiasco
Old Kimmie Gibbler
Is gonna make your day

It’s a nappy celebration

Aunt Jemime
She’s a pretty sticky
But you can’t be picky
When the skies are gettin’ grey
So bring her down
It’s a nappy celebration
A friendly situation
We’re gonna sing and play

Here comes the train
Runnin’ down the drain

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